yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I want a musical about memes.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
