I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Randomize
