So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
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