can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
