I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
this must be what syphilis tastes like
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
