Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
