started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Randomize
