Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He better not be in your backpack
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
