1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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