I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
You are the jesus of drinking
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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