And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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