Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
