No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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