Ketchup is God's man juice
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Randomize
