Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
