Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Randomize
