We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
