I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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