remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
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