I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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