You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
