Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
