My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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