You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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