He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
