I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
Randomize
