We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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