How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
