hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
They took my balls.
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.