i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
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I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
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Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.