and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
