I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
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i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
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You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?