why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
These Attractive Criminals Got Modeling Contracts After Getting Arrested
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
This Girl’s Unbelievable Catfish Story Will Make You Rethink Online Dating
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO