There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
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