Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
