Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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