PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
