I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Randomize
