I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
