Ambien. No doubt about it.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
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