I love black thongs
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
