i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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