YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
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Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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