and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
