perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
