Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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