Swine flu. Run for my life!
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
