i was rollin on her like bob the builder
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
