I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Randomize
