sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
