Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
What a fucking waste of an outfit
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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