This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
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lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
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...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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