Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
