i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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