I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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