it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
