Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Randomize
