How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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