Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
