i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
