so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
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