when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
The power of my boobs compel you
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
