My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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