I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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