I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
