These people need to leave so I can have rum and Doritos at work like every other American.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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