you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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