I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
