That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
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i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
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It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
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