Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
Randomize
