just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
