Hey man sorry I got all grabby
what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the condom got lost in my hair
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
