hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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