After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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