The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
