Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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