im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
