My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
